Five hundred days since the abduction of the Chibok girls. Five hundred days. With all the efforts made to rescue the children, with all the hopes and prayers cherished by the whole world… could we think it would all go that far?
They say there are five stages of mourning and grief that come as a reaction to a person learning about terminal illness (own, or relative) or to the loss of a loved one. Psychologists believe that depending on a person these stages develop with various levels of intensity and may have different length of time.
Chibok girls
The stages are:
1. Denial and Isolation. Overwhelming emotions prevail. Those experiencing stage one deny reality using it as a defense mechanism to deal with shock and pain.
2. Anger. Those emotions convert into a new form of expression.
3. Bargaining. Feeling helpless, exhausted and vulnerable, the person has the need to regain control over the uncontrollable situation. People may constantly refer to “If only…” or “What if…” statements, or to all kinds of promises made to God: “I will never be angry at my wife again if you’ll just let her live.”
4. Depression. After bargaining, people return to the reality, to the present. This is a deeper and more private level of going through the grief.
5. Acceptance. This phase is characterized by withdrawal and calm. It is not an “all right” stage, but the one when the person understands the necessity to accept the fact as something to further live with.
For Nigeria, absence of the Chibok girls has become something like a terminal illness. At least as long as they remain missing, the nation has been undergoing various stages. With more time passing by, some are gradually losing hope that the children will ever return home. We are still hoping, we are still praying, we are trying to believe that the horror will end soon.
However, amid the lingering uncertainty and months of waiting, the girls absence has started to be associated with an illness, with all the hurting stages involved.
1. Denial and isolation
On April 14, 2014, when the tragedy hit the country, there was a period, when the country did not even accept the fact of abduction and was acting without international support. Goodluck Jonathan would be later harshly criticized over his government’s slow response to the incident.
2. Anger
Then attacks started regarding who should be held responsible for what had happened. Where was the military during Boko Haram massive invasion into the school premises and abduction of more than 200 girls? Why did not the government ensure military presence on the whole territory of Borno, the state most badly affected by insurgency? How come throughout years of presidency, Jonathan had not found the ways to tackle terrorism in the northeast? These and many other rhetoric questions were angrily asked by Nigerians.
3. Bargaining
Numerous unconfirmed reports about the talks by various Nigerian and international negotiators with Boko Haram leaders about the possible release of the girls. At one point it was believed that a swap deal was really close: the Chibok girls for some imprisoned militants. However, in the end nothing happened. Nothing but the talks about who was responsible for the deal failure.
4. Depression.
Seems like the year 2015 has been calm. Calm, in a bad meaning of this word. Not much has been heard about the development of the situation. Any development at all: either good or bad. The country was overwhelmed by the preparations to the general elections and fully indulged in the hectic surrounding political issues.
Amid the despair, sometimes it was only the genuine commitment of the BringBackOurGirls group that kept our memory and faith alive.
5. Acceptance
Here is where we STOP. The final stage, which we have not reached and refuse to reach. Accepting means stop believing that our girls will reunite with their families, it means stop praying for their return.
Yes, 500 days is a huge term, and we all realize that everything could have happened within this period. But who said miracles do not happen? Who said the time for waiting is over? Based on the testimony of some Boko Haram escapees, the Chibok girls were from time to time being spotted in Borno. This is at least one reason to keep resolved in our prayers.
The BBOG head Oby Ezekwesili never puts it as “if the Chibok girls return..”, but as “when they return…” and promises to continue the campaign “until they return”.
Nigerians are not the people who are used to giving up. So let us not give up on keeping our faith. On the 500th day social media users have been sharing their messages en masse to let the world known that we refuse to accept the acceptance stage…
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